You Can’t Drive 55 - I mean 35 - Wait, At All

August 8, 2008 · Filed Under Uncategorized 

I always told Thing 1 she wasn’t getting her driver’s license until she was able to successfully complete Project Gotham. Everyone thought I was just being silly. Turns out I was right.

But I was wrong for letting her date, or letting her drive in a car with other teens. Both were things that I really wasn’t fond of, knowing that boys aren’t terribly bright in their teen years and that no teen driver is very safe.

She chipped away at our concerns over time, eroded the boundaries we’d erected for her. Thing 1 was young, and pretty, and smart, and actually seemed to have it together. Which is why it was so easy for her to get around Kim and I. We trusted her and thought we’d taught her well enough that it was time for her to spread her wings a little. We were wrong.

We’re never going to know exactly what happened. Thing 1 had a knock to the head and the Boy was tossed around, too, so they’re both pretty fuzzy on the actual moment of impact and the moments leading up to the collision. But what we do know is enough to make our blood boil and our hearts ache. They lied to us, and the result of that lie nearly ended their lives.

We know they broke the rules and went to lunch together without telling anyone. We know that Thing 1 asked the Boy if she could drive back to school after the lunch. We know that the Boy, against all of his better judgment, handed her his keys. And we know that Thing 1 managed to drive them less than half-a-block before ramming the car into a telephone pole at a significant rate of speed.

The end result, the one that really matters, is that they’re both going to be fine. The Boy had hardly a scratch, but Thing 1 smashed up her nose and one of her eyes looks like she went a few rounds with an MMA striker. Luckily, amazingly, nothing was broken - not her nose, not the orbit of her eye, no ribs from where she and the Boy slammed into the steering wheel and dashboard. Considering the carnage of the car and the telephone pole, things should have been much, much worse for all involved.

I really thought the Call and those first hours after it, when we were still unsure where things stood, where our daughter’s fate was still unknown, were the worst moments of my life so far. They still are, but only just a hair now.

Because something was shattered in that accident. My faith in my daughter. I’ve always been very protective of Thing 1 and her sisters. I wanted them to earn my trust, to learn that they could only have the freedoms they deserved, the ones they could safely handle. I thought I’d done the right thing, that all of my children were doing the things they should be doing.

But one of them was lying to me, tricking me into believing something that wasn’t true. I look back now, at those times when she and the Boy assured me that they were responsible, that they would make the right choices, that I could trust them.

And I think, “Were they that good? Was I that dumb?” Because, obviously, they couldn’t be trusted. They put themselves in harm’s way for no good reason. It’s a terrible thing, not being able to trust your child. It’s a parent’s nightmare to look at your child and know, really know deep down in the darkest places in your heart, that she lied to you.

I feel miserable and petty about how angry I am about the lie, how hurt I am that she would do this. When I picked her up from the hospital, she was with Kim and some friends that had come to see her. They were laughing. It was a beautiful, horrible thing to see. She was alive; she would be fine. But did she understand how close she had come to killing herself and her boyfriend?

Yes, I’m extremely thankful that Thing 1 is going to be fine. But I feel cheated, and sad, because the girl I brought home today is not the girl I left the house with this morning, and I don’t know that she ever will be.

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Comments

2 Responses to “You Can’t Drive 55 - I mean 35 - Wait, At All”

  1. Smd1 on August 9th, 2008 6:44 pm

    Sam,
    Yep what your daughter did SUCKED!!!!!! big time.And you have a right to be hurt and pissed at her crappy behavior. But hopefully she will learn from this and how this action will impact her freedoms for the foreseeable future ( like until 18 sounds good). But don’t let this one stupid act color your view of your daughter forever. You have great kids we can tell that by how you talk about them. And what teenager doesn’t do something totally stupid that they regret for most of their lives, yours is just lucky enough to have the chance to make it up to you and your wife, some don’t . So while I do believe you need to really make her life crappy for a while, give her a chance to rebuild that trust with you. Don’t totally shut her out because of your hurt.

    Good Luck with this
    Shawn (smd1)

  2. ToadyJoe on August 11th, 2008 1:27 pm

    Awww, hugs. I do understand 100% all those feelings. However, a) they’re kids, and b) they’re girls. There is no amount of parenting / lectures / love that will keep your teenage girl(s) from getting sneaky & doing things they aren’t supposed to do. Take it from a Former Teen Girl. And here’s hoping that this was her wake-up call, that turns her around and gives her incentive to keep herself on the fairly-straight-and-narrow. Sigh.

    Lots of love & hugs, one parent to two others.

    And next time, CALL ME. :)

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