The Somewhat Sappy Father’s Day Post

June 15, 2008 · Filed Under Sam's Stuff

It’s Father’s Day - time for all the dads to enjoy a meal out, kick back with a beer, and just chillax for a day. Right?

Well, sure. Dads, for the most part, work pretty hard and deserve to be recognized for the effort we put in. But being a father indicates there’s at least one little sprout rattling around your house, and really, that’s what Father’s Day is all about.

We all want to be good parents; most of us want to be better parents than the ones we had. Given today’s jacked up economic times and the general decay of society, that can be a pretty tall order. I don’t pretend to know everything about being a dad, but there are five things I think are important.

First, are your kids brave? You’re the dad, and it’s your job to make sure your kids are willing to get out there in the world and dig around. Moms protect kids, dads push them. But you have to give them the knowledge they need to survive out there. I’ll be the first to admit that I’m not the best about this.

Hell, I can’t even get Thing 3 to ride a bike - but I’m working on it. I just have to find the right combination of bribes.

Second, are your kids safe? Kids need to feel secure in their house, and they need to be sure that their dad will be there when they need them. No, you can’t be there for every school event, you probably can’t get to every ball game. But when they need you, when they really NEED you, you have to be the dad. You have to be there.

This can work to your advantage, too. In this enlightened age most companies are willing to give dads some time off to tend to their kids needs. How are they going to know that that doctor’s appointment DIDN’T take all afternoon?

Third, do your kids know you? Obviously, if they can’t even recognize you then maybe you need to step it up, but it’s also important for your kids to know who you are. One of the reasons I don’t much like Father’s Day is that I have no idea what to get for my dad - we lived in the same house for 18 years and I never really got to know the guy.

That’s a mistake you should never make, and one that I struggle with every day. What if you suffer a head injury and end up wandering the streets of your city alone? If your kids can’t identify you, you might end up in one of those city-funded institutions. Avoid this at all costs.

Fourth, are you providing? This one seems really basic, but I’m always surprised about the number of guys who don’t get it. You’re the dad, make sure your kids aren’t hungry, that they have good shelter, and that they’re not worrying about the electricity getting shut off. It’s probably not a bad idea that you get them new clothes once in a while, especially if they’re girls. Girls need a lot of clothes, even if they never wear half of them.

Finally, are you having fun? I know, not every day. No dad has fun every day. But can you sit down with your kids and enjoy that time? The Things drive me absolutely batshit insane about every third day.

But I’m never happier than when we’re swimming together, or playing some board games, or jamming on some Rock Band. These kids are your responsibility, but you should never, ever, make them feel like that’s what they are. Learn to enjoy them. Otherwise, they’re not going to enjoy taking care of you when you’re old and need someone to change your shitty diapers.

You deserve some barbecue and beer today, dads. But your kids and your wives deserve to have you think about some of this stuff today, so that you can be the kind of dad they’ll love and respect. Otherwise, you’re going to be the kind of dad that they send off to the nursing home to wallow in your pee-soaked diapers.