Every Dad Needs a Motorcycle

August 27, 2008 · Filed Under Blog, Sam's Stuff 

Safety First

Spend the money for a riding class if you need it; macho shitheads who think they can teach themselves to ride a motorcycle tend to be macho shitheads who end their riding days in a hospital getting pinned back together by doctors who laugh at them for being dumbasses. Most classes run about $300 and will teach you the basics of riding and let you beat the shit out of their bikes while you’re learning. Because you really, really don’t want to strip the dogs on your own gears or drop your own sweet, sweet ride in the driveway because you don’t know what the fuck you’re doing and can’t figure out how to get on and off the thing.

A helmet is a necessity – the majority of motorcycle injuries are inflicted on your chin/jaw area so you should really look at a full helmet with a nice, wide visor to look at the world through. Do not skimp here, because you don’t want to protect your brain with a shitty novelty Kaiser helmet. Those guys who tell you can’t see as well with a helmet, do not listen to them. Even a low-speed knock to the head will probably scramble your brainpain and turn you into a turdeating hootard. Get a nice riding jacket and pants while you’re at it, because keep flesh on your bones comes a close second to keeping your brains in your skull. Don’t ride unprotected, that’s how you ended up a dad in the first place.

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